People never cease to surprise me, whether good or bad. You never know what someone is going through. You may think they have it easy when in actuality they have just as many struggles as anyone else, if not more. Also, people that you never thought would hurt you, will. I put my trust in someone for them to prove they never deserved it. i think some people just wait for me to let my guard down to disappoint me. This makes me not want to let anyone in. But that's ok. Fool me once. I'm smarter than they think. I can't control what others do. I'm really not this cynical. I appreciate my friendships. It just takes a lot for me to let someone in my life completely and it hurts when they prove to be just like everyone else. I have met quite a few great friends along my way though, and I appreciate them more than they know.
I have been struggling with feelings of sadness and withdrawing from others. Not sure what's causing it. It's probably a mix of a lot of things. It usually lasts just a day but if I don't know the cause, I can't find a solution. So it keeps coming back.
Lately I've realized how much my past has shaped who I am now. Like how I don't show affection easily, I'm scared of serious relationships, I don't take compliments easily, I have daddy issues, I avoid confrontation at all costs. i didn't realize how much your childhood shapes your adulthood. Looks like I have a long road ahead of me. I know this all sounded negative but it's what's plaguing my mind. Maybe this is a way of letting it go and moving on. Here's hoping!
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